Thursday, July 29, 2010

speaking their language

This is the fifth time I've sat down to compose something "blog worthy" in the last 3 days. I keep starting something, getting distracted, then the ideas don't flow readily. I feel like I'm making an outline for an essay in English or something...

I've noticed that since I started my twitter account, back in the winter of 2008, my patience has decreased in direct proportion to my attention span. If you have a twitter, then you understand what I'm saying. There are people in my life who barely access their email, let alone understand this fast paced world of 140 character long blips. Facebook, I think, allows for 999 characters. Emails are usually screened on my blackberry or ipad. Voice messages allow for what, 90 seconds? The world is spinning faster and faster. Either that or I'm getting really old. It's rare for me to sit down and compose a really long, well thought out, grammatically correct piece of writing.

What I have noticed in all of this is that the way we communicate with each other is changing at a very dramatic pace. If there was a generational gap before, between the youth and their parents, there REALLY is one now. I find that my ability to communicate clearly has suffered as a result of my habitual use of twitter, facebook, and instant messaging. I forget that there exists a world outside of me, and outside of twitter, that still turns on the television for the news (AS IF. that is SO 1999) and picks up the phone when they want to get a hold of someone.

I advise my friends and clients to be mindful of how people prefer to be contacted. I need do the same. It's like speaking a different language, in a sense. Or traveling across time zones. If I need to get a hold of someone in England, I better make sure that it is day time over there. If I want to get a hold of someone who doesn't have a blackberry or an iphone, and doesn't check their phone every 5 minutes like I do, I better figure out if emailing them is the best way to contact them. Likewise, if I know that someone is rarely in the office to check their voice messages, sometimes a text message is the only way to get through a busy person.

As for me, I'm always online. Maybe I should spend more time in the real world.

Friday, July 2, 2010

ugly is the new beautiful

everything i see is ugly to me. the things that i used to thing were beautiful... the diamonds, the sparkles, the sleek leather, the skinny starved overly made up faces staring back at me on the pages of the magazine. what is beauty? if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, than everything that is ugly is beautiful to me. the more society likes it, the more i shun away from it. the more mass media promotes it, the more i despise it.

i see imperfection in the world. i see hunger, and hatred, and vindictiveness. those things are beautiful to me. i see the face of a dying cat, struggling to move after it's been hit by a passing car. and i see beauty. i see the dullness of the stare of the overweight girl, secluded in the playground, and that is beautiful to me.

the pain, the suffering, the emotional despair. this floods my eyes and i see beauty.

why is everything backwards? i don't know. maybe my brain was hacked into and the wiring was done incorrectly. or maybe because there is so much exaggeration and forced physical perfection in my life, in my town that i hate it. i hate how people are judged by face value. i hate that girls kill themselves because they are 2 sizes too large to be accepted by the "in crowd". i hate that beautiful people forcefully disfigure themselves surgically because that is what hollywood wants them to be.

michael jackson. the man who made a caricature of his face because he had so much self loathing for himself and could not see the good.

everything i am, everything i see... beauty on the outside and ugly on the inside. ugly on the outside and beautiful on the inside. the sharp contrast between the wanted and the rejects. the constant struggle to gain acceptance. society sucks. i hate the social pressures. and yet i have fallen victim to it.

i am plain. i want to be anything but "beautiful". because it is an ugly world. and i want to have no part of it.