Friday, July 2, 2010

ugly is the new beautiful

everything i see is ugly to me. the things that i used to thing were beautiful... the diamonds, the sparkles, the sleek leather, the skinny starved overly made up faces staring back at me on the pages of the magazine. what is beauty? if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, than everything that is ugly is beautiful to me. the more society likes it, the more i shun away from it. the more mass media promotes it, the more i despise it.

i see imperfection in the world. i see hunger, and hatred, and vindictiveness. those things are beautiful to me. i see the face of a dying cat, struggling to move after it's been hit by a passing car. and i see beauty. i see the dullness of the stare of the overweight girl, secluded in the playground, and that is beautiful to me.

the pain, the suffering, the emotional despair. this floods my eyes and i see beauty.

why is everything backwards? i don't know. maybe my brain was hacked into and the wiring was done incorrectly. or maybe because there is so much exaggeration and forced physical perfection in my life, in my town that i hate it. i hate how people are judged by face value. i hate that girls kill themselves because they are 2 sizes too large to be accepted by the "in crowd". i hate that beautiful people forcefully disfigure themselves surgically because that is what hollywood wants them to be.

michael jackson. the man who made a caricature of his face because he had so much self loathing for himself and could not see the good.

everything i am, everything i see... beauty on the outside and ugly on the inside. ugly on the outside and beautiful on the inside. the sharp contrast between the wanted and the rejects. the constant struggle to gain acceptance. society sucks. i hate the social pressures. and yet i have fallen victim to it.

i am plain. i want to be anything but "beautiful". because it is an ugly world. and i want to have no part of it.

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